All the Pre-Term Labor Madness

I thought I would try and sit down and explain the craziness that has ensued the past 36 ish hours. Since I'm not one to explain a lot of things over Facebook, and Its also getting difficult to explain over and over in person, this seemed like a logical output. Ive been having contractions consistently since 28 weeks, they are nothing new to me. I was told to return to L&D if they increased. I am currently 34 weeks and 4 days..5 days...? pregnant. This is a basic timeline of what happened.

April 2, 430 pm- Contractions have increased from 15-20 minutes apart(since 6 weeks ago) to 3-5 minutes apart, with no activity. I had stopped all activity and was just laying in bed watching a movie with my son, and they continued.

730-My husband notices they are coming more frequently and wonders if we need to go to the hospital.

930- Still having very consistent contractions, Husband decides to take me in just to make sure everything is ok.

The next...many hours are kind of all jumbled together, but this is it in a nut shell. We get to the hospital, contractions are 2-3 minutes apart and getting increasingly painful, taking my breath away, etc. I am checked for dilation and cervical changes 1 cm dilated  60 % effaced.I am given 3 doses of terbutaline, it does nothing to stop the contractions. They continue to increase in intensity, I breathe through them. Sometime in between giving me procardia (more contraction stopping medications) I am checked again. 2 cm dilated  Nothing is stopping the contractions, they are just getting worse. I am declared as being in what they assume to be labor, they do not want it to progress any further as I am only 34 weeks. Had I been 37 weeks, or even 36, they would have just let it go on its own, possibly even helped it along if need be. But Im still verrry preterm. They admit me to the hospital to start a magnesium IV as a  last ditch effort to stop my pre-term labor this is at about..2 am? I am not sure. Hours of am and pm have basically ceased to exist 

At this point I am ready to kill someone. It hurts unbelievably bad. Its not going away, but since I have been given so many things to stop it, its not progressing as I think it should be, as MY body feels it should. I do not sleep at all. There are too many contractions. I start to dose off and another hits and rocks my body back to full alertness. I am exhausted. I wish there was another word for it, exhausted does not seem sufficient to explain exactly HOW tired I feel. They cant induce me. They cant get it to stop. My doctor gets there at 830 am. She does not want me to go into labor. Iam 2.5 + cm dilated  80 % effaced. They continue to try and get them to stop. After...who knows how long, they decide to give me morphine and stop the magnesium  and just see what happens. I manage to fall asleep for an hour or so. As long as I am asleep, the contractions have slowed to being 10 minutes apart. They seem to think this is good news. I wake up and they get closer again. They give me more meds to stop the contractions. They check my dilation  no change. This also seems to make them happy/hopeful. Eventually I get an ultrasound. Baby girl is perfect, growing beautifully. I am still measuring weeks behind. She is fine, just severely running out of room as it seem my body will not grow past a certain point. I am sent home. I have a prescription to keep the contractions further apart.

I am still having contractions as of today. They have slowed down, more like 10 minutes apart now. They continue to be painful. I may sit here for another hour in this phase of labor, I may sit here another 2 weeks. They dont know. I do not know.

I am...frustrated beyond all comprehension at this point. I cannot completely explain how...disconcerting, wrong,and discouraging, it is for my body to try and do one thing and the Doctors another. I was IN labor. And they stopped it, or at least prolonged it, as they are supposed to.Which is good for the baby. I have to keep telling myself that its a good thing. It does not feel like a good thing. It feels so wrong in a way. I do not know how to explain how exhausting,and frustrating and emotionally draining it is to go through that process to only be sent backward a step. My body is confused. I am confused. But they wont just let my labor progress until I am at least 36 weeks. So I will be on bedrest, taking my contraction stopping meds, like a good little girl. When in fact, all I want to do is scream to hell with you all, its MY body, if this baby wants out so bad, she can come out. But I wont. Not until I cant take it anymore, which could  will be before my due date. And at that point, I am giving up being careful. All bets are off now. She could get here any day.